Today, I found myself questioning everything that I have previously thought to be true about myself. This is why: I have had a serious need to be seen as a "good person." So much so that if anyone dared to question my "goodness" I would, quite aggressively, defend it with everything I had. But, all of a sudden some of the things that used to confuse me around the good/bad paradox, started to make perfect sense to me. I began to realize that we ALL want to be seen as "good" - so badly, in fact, that we are willing to go to war over it (think religions).
I pondered over my dog, Poppy, as she got all excited on our walk when a squirrel crossed the road. She doesn't know that chasing, and/or killing a squirrel is "good" or "bad." It just is what she does. She is driven by her animal instincts. I felt a bit envious of that, actually.
Here's the thing - we humans are animals too, but we have this thing called "consciousness" that has us in a constant state of inner conflict. We know that killing is "bad," but a lot of us eat meat/animals, anyways - by doing that we are going against our own judgement of what we subconsciously deem to be a bad thing. This paradox has created a sense of division and fragmentation within ourselves. We accept that our animal pets are carnivores, but when it comes to ourselves we don't know what to accept or what to believe is right or wrong, so we bury this confusion, as denial, deep within our unconscious minds because we cannot bear to look at it. The problem is that by not acknowledging this darker side of being human, we live in a continual state of guilt and shame, and even though it flavours every part of our lives we don't even know it is there.
I have been reading a book called Inward Revolution, by J. Krishnamurti, and it is changing the way I see myself and others. I can see that I have had the tendency to judge others for these parts of myself that I am pained to acknowledge - the not so pretty darker parts of me. Like it or not, I have them within me, and I hazard to say that you probably do too. What if we accepted that we were not always "good?" I think that if we did we would have a lot less conflict, judgement and wars in our world. This is merely my opinion, of course. As you will see it has affected my card spread and blog post, this week. I hope it gets you thinking about your own inner dark spots so we might begin to find our commonality in this world, and maybe that might even bring about some world peace?
As synchronicity would have it, I received these beautiful, and spiritual cards in the mail last week. It is a gift that means so much to my heart - I cannot even express through using words how wonderful it felt to receive a gift like this. These cards light me up, and make me feel loved and connected to this planet, and to all of my fellow earth-dwellers who I share it with. Thank you dear Wendy! I am so grateful for your thoughtfulness.
Here is my first card spread using them. I feel so Divinrly lead in doing this reading. I hope you feel that as well, and that they help you like they have helped me this morning. Blessings and happy Sunday to you all.
Past- Suppression: This card is interesting on every level. If anyone were to ask me what would explain my human struggles in my past (and the problems that have historically plagued humanity), I would have to say that it would be the suppression of our shadow/darker-side, or darker emotions (see the dark volcanic image of the card - representing below the surface of all reality, or the the unconscious mind).
The work I've done lately has demonstrated that in order for us to become whole (in less internal conflict - represented by the image of the person tied up in knots in the artwork of this card), we must see that we are ALL made up of a rainbow of emotions - both dark and light. To disown any one of these emotions is to give that disowned part of us complete and utter control over our lives. This disownment manifests itself as triggers and victim/violent reactions in our human experiences, which constantly flood our sacred bodies with toxic "fight or flight" chemicals. We don't have to stretch our psyches very far to know what I'm talking about here - we feel it. Are we living in harmony or disharmony? Our bodies ease or dis-ease will tell us everything we need to know.
Present - Integration: I marvel over the Universal Knowledge that is always available to us. This card represents such Wisdom. "Integration" just so happens to be my word for this year! And it comes up for us in the Present position in this card reading, right after suppression. Can you feel the magnitude of importance of this card for us right now? Integration means to bring those fragmented pieces of ourselves up to the surface and together (yes, all of them), so we may become unified, and harmonious, within ourselves.
I am that, I am. We are ALL violent. We are ALL Love. We are ALL darkness. We are ALL Light. We are ALL of that (as represented by the fortune teller's yin and yang crystal ball - representing the male and female - the opposites, the rainbow in the crown chakra, the strength and cunningness of the eagle, the grace of the swan, and the transformational qualities of the darker/unconscious mind, represented by the snake in the lower position on this card). And when we can accept all aspects of self as being Holy and Divinely created, we will finally be able to experience harmony with ourselves and others. "Integration" (bringing all these pieces of self together) is the first step in Loving and forgiving ourselves and others - the first step in becoming humble - the first step in accepting that "we are ALL perfectly imperfect" in our immediate human state and condition.
Future - Postponement: My ego, who loves nothing more than to feel like it has my life all planned and figured out, feels a bit nervous about this card in the "future" position in this reading. My ego wants to march forward (right now!), taking all of my fears and beliefs with it into the future. This card beckons us to be present to our Higher Wisdom, instead. It reminds us that in looking and thinking backwards we close ourselves off from living in the present. It suggests that by clinging to our old ideas of "how things are" we miss the opportunities that can only be discovered through letting go of all ideas - by dying to each moment, so we may be reborn anew to the present moment, which truly is the only "time" we ever have to live. To "think" that we "know" what is "right," is to shut ourselves off from the opportunities that the now is always offering us.
"Thinking" is always based on the past. The more we can see each new present moment with new "unknowing" eyes, the more we get to truly live. If we choose to bring the past into each new moment, we never really get to experience the now; we merely create a re-run of what we've already experienced.
The framed, colourful world (in the image of the card) beyond and within the black and white plane, gives us hope - it shows us that if we can let go of the past, we will open ourselves up to experiencing a much less fragmented and internally conflicted life; an experience that only exists and is available to us in the alternate-dimension of the "now,." The "now" is a quantum dimension. And how wonderful is it that that Infinite World awaits us all right now, if we should so choose to open ourselves up to it.
Sending Love, acceptance and forgiveness to all - knowing that in every situation that I might be tempted to judge, "But for the grace of God, go I." <3