All my patterns and routines are off. So much of Barry and my life has revolved around taking care of our little dog for 14 years. This morning I even found myself seeing her come from around from the front of the house to the back door. She always had this way of getting her needs met. “Hey, did you guys forget about me out here?”She seemed to say with her sparkly eyes. I’d open the door and she'd run in like a puppy—right up to the very end. I looked at the sliding door and suddenly I felt the intensity of loneliness. My sweet pug will never be there again. She will never walk through those doors in her physical form. That got me right in the feels.
This grief thing. It’s really interesting. One minute I’m so sad. The next minute I’m so grateful. The next minute I’m feeling for everyone that suffers loss, and we all do!
Last night I watched an old Gaiam TV (now Gaia)program on Grief Coaching Academy by Aurora Winters. She, having gone through unimaginable and unexpected loss (do we ever really expect it?), and out of necessity, created a program with tools to help us work through our grief more quickly. Her acronym PEACE stands for Presence, Expression, Acceptance, Contrary (the one I found most interesting) and finally Enthusiasm. Aurora’s program seems very gentle and it comes from someone who has been there. If you find you need some help dealing with these sometimes paralyzingly feelings of grief (which does not always include someone you love dying. It can be loss of all sorts, including loss of a marriage, a friendship, or even a job) you may want to check her out. I felt better just through energetically spending time with someone who had felt what I was feeling and was not afraid to go into the pain of it.
One other thing—she spoke of what others can do and say to “be” with someone who is grieving. I know that I have certainly suffered from wanting to be helpful, and yet not knowing how to be helpful. It’s tricky. The bottom line is just listen, if you can, and even go into the pain with them. Is there a time when your heart was broken? Share those feelings perhaps. Feel what it felt like and let them know you’ve been there and eventually it will get a bit easier to carry on.
You who have been heartbroken with me....that REALLY helped. You who do not know that we who suffer loss (and again, this is all of us) don’t need fixing...I get you too. It’s awkward and even counter-intuitive to not try to ease someone’s pain by justifying the event. But please know that no matter how you tried to show your love for me, the important part is you did! And I love you all, and appreciate you so much, for your sweet efforts.
It seems that life is NOT easy. I don’t care what anyone says about this. The human condition with its births, deaths, confusion, changes, uncertainties takes courage to survive and thrive within it. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Given the opportunity to love and care for someone we love--someone who may break our heart by leaving us before we are ready for them to go, I would still choose to do it all over again. It is true, better to have risked and lost than to have never loved at all. I am convinced toady that playing it safe and protecting your heart by not falling in love is to lie lonely.
Thank you Sydney for choosing me to be your momma. And thank you all for your friendship and love. I am wishing you health, happiness, peace and joy over the holiday season. <3