Here we are in the year 2017. As a child that would have thought 2017 sounded way off and very futuristic. But, here we are on January 4th, and it is my first-born son, Chris,' birthday. He turns 37 today. The New Year, and my son's birthday, have me reflecting on my life. I was seventeen when Chris came into this crazy world through me. I am not the same person today, obviously. This one beautiful individual has been with me through lots of changes. I am so grateful that I chose to be his mom, and that he chose me (and his dad) to be his way into this realm. Happy Birthday Chris!
My New Year was lovely. I got to spend it with my second son, Ryan, and his three gorgeous girls: Taya, Paitan and Reese. I am so proud that they are my family. There are no more beautiful human-beings on the face of the planet, as far as I am concerned. We rang in the New Year with a yummy meal, along with our good friends (and adopted family members) Gerry and Carol. They have become near and dear to my heart. I know what a blessing it is to have friends like these two. I could gush about them all day, but suffice it to say that I know I am very blessed.
After dinner we played a dice game (and ate junk food) until midnight, along with the two older girls (yes, I stayed awake until midnight...and all three of the girls did too). We laughed a lot! And my friend Carol won four games...I am sure you can imagine, there was a bit of envy in the room. Ha!
While we were playing dice at the table I asked what everyone's word for 2017 is. All sorts of words flashing through my mind; words like, compassion, truth, feelings, authenticity, no more triggers, whole self, love, empathy, healing, self-love, fearlessness, awareness and consciousness. I was having a great deal of difficulty narrowing it down to one word. What I crave most is to be a healthier version of myself this year; to live consciously. I have begun to realize that there are as many truths as there are people. For me, the thing is to become aware of the skeletons that I have been dragging along with me from the past. Because those skeletons have been tainting my present moment experiences.
Today I know I need to bury those skeletons. But, how does one go about doing something like that? Well, I have begun to see that becoming aware of my wounded-self is the first step. If I continue to avoid looking at my hurts (because some of them are so very painful to me) I won't stand a chance at becoming aware of why I behave the way I do. It is important for me to figure that out so I can begin to live consciously, so I can manifest that which I do want in my life.
I must feel all of my feelings, and even mourn them, before I will be able to bury those skeletons, so I may invite new, more joyful experiences into my life. If I don't become aware of all of my feelings, I will continue to be, unwittingly, triggered by them. Basically, if I do not do this shadow-work, I will not stand a chance at creating the life I want for myself.
I woke up New Years Day and I knew what my word was going to be. It is integration. I have been choosing words for the New Year, for a number of years now, but I have never felt so aligned with a word as I do this year. This one word encapsulated everything I wanted to achieve. If I can integrate all that old wounded stuff into my awareness, I can finally heal and experience self-love. I have heard this statement a lot in recent years: "you must love yourself before you can love anyone else." So, I knew it had to start with me, but how was I supposed to accomplish that? I think I am beginning to figure it out.
You see, I am the sort of person who wants to be a good person. I am sure you get that. So, what I have been doing is,that when thoughts come up that I judge as being not the sort of thoughts that a good person would think, I stuff them. I berate myself for having them in the first place. What has happened is my inner-child, who wants nothing more than to express her true feelings, has been having a temper tantrum (for my whole life). She has felt betrayed by me; she has felt betrayed by her guardian. I have discovered that when I allow myself to feel all of my feelings; when I hold space for myself to feel everything, without judgement, I begin to heal; I feel honored by myself, and my heart softens. So, you guessed it, my word for this year is INTEGRATION.
A very generous friend has created a free art journal group for this year. If you feel compelled you may be able to jump in and do it with us. The image above is my cover for the art journal that I have made (from scratch without a YouTube even) for this group. The more you do art, the more creative you become. It is like a muscle that needs to be used in order to be strengthened. I will keep you posted on my progress. I have started my "word page" and I love it already. It is a sort of pop-up book, style, page. It floats my inner-child's boat. Here is the link to Maria's Green's website. From there you can find her Facebook group. There is a lot of support to be found, for exploring your inner-creative-muse, there.
Lots and lots of love and healing to you and your family in 2017.
Here is the link for the art journal course. You won't want to miss it if this sort of thing appeals to you. It is a very generous offering. Thank you Maria. <3.