Yesterday, someone asked me what my word for this year was. I am sure I had a word, but I must have forgotten it already? I replied that I go back and forth between these three words: flow, allow and acceptance. She said that really they all meant the same thing. I guess they do. I might be just getting stuck on linguistics!?
I remember back a few years when I thought it would be quite easy to create a simple design for living a healthy life. I would only need a couple of rules to follow: A. Mind my own business and B. What others think of me is none of my business! Phew! Turns out that simple isn't really that simple.
A friend tells a story in Alcoholics Anonymous. He says one of his early sponsor told him quitting drinking was "simple". All you have to do is quit drinking and change your whole life! This simplicity business is hard core, right!?
So back to simplicity. Learning how to mind my own business was difficult for me. After all, everything everyone else had to say seemed like it was all about me. It was how I gauged whether I was ...... or not. You fill in the blank. I would put "smart" "pretty" "talented" etc...in the blank. But the biggie was "loved". I did not know how to be me and to be loved at the same time. Seems, it did not work to put the cart in front of the horse. I had to start with loving myself first. And how did I do that and still manage what everyone else was thinking about me at the same time? It did not work.
So there came a time when I had to matter. I just wrote a comment on a friend's blog where I said that who I was eventually demanded to be released. I am not sure why it happens, but we seem to come to a time in out life when who we are wants to come out really badly? It is not enough to care so much about what others think of us anymore. All of a sudden we have this uncontrollable desire to burst our truth onto the world. And damn the torpedoes! Or at least that was the way it was with me.
So back to my words and my morning writing. Yes. So today I am trying to stay in the now and in those kind of action words(Allow, Acceptance and Flow). In my morning writing I wrote:
"Help me to know that there is always a safe harbour for me in every kind of storm."
That is allowing and that is faith. It will all be alright. I realized recently that I can not concern myself so much with censoring every thing I say and do for fear that someone might get triggered. I came to the conclusion that if we get triggered it might actually turn out to be a gift for us? We must need to be triggered and shaken loose of the rut we have gotten ourselves into? It might feel safe in that rut, but it is merely a stagnant waste of life, in my opinion. I am beginning to realize that if I am feeling sensitive, or if what I say brings out sensitivity in others, we must need to do that work right now. I am learning to bless the lessons. I realize now that even though I am feeling uncomfortable, what is really happening is that I am growing and discovering my self at a deeper level!!! So bring it on!
Julia Cameron wrote: "When we write, we place ourselves in our world. We say, "This is where I am right now, and this is how I feel about that." Conversely, when we focus on the places we have been, we often connect to a deep and specific sense of how we felt when we were there. In other words, by mapping our literal, physical placements, we are often able to more accurately map our psychological placement. Good writers know this."
So, in other words, if I stay in the now and go with the flow, I will be okay (I am okay). I can allow for the unfoldment of the miracles that are possible in my life. But, I need to get out of my own way for this to happen.
Here is my little poem I wrote to go with the painting I made the other day (It is really all about faith!).
by Jeanette MacDonald
Release your vulnerable heart to the open ocean.
Cast your line out to the fish of your wish.
You might not catch the fish that you imagined....
But perhaps the one you catch will be more delish!l?
Painting by Jeanette MacDonald, "Good Ship Lollipop"