My friend Bruce recently sent me a link to a film writer's interview. The fellow's name is Werner Hertzog. Here is someone who has written every day for most of his life. Starting off modestly, his daily writing, over time, have become enough to propel him towards greater and greater success and notoriety. And he defines his success by getting to do the thing he loves each day, not by the accumulation of physical things. Often he would pour every penny he made from one project into funding the next.
My very motivated friend, and the esteemed author of Warrior Love, Laura Probert, writes a lot lately about using one's daily writing practices to become more self aware, improve our writing skills, and perhaps even use those skills to author a meaningful book of our own one day. Here is a gal on a mission. I am inspired by her. I am excited to see where she will end up one day. Laura is always moving forward and through that movement, she is getting to know herself better and better. I watch her with curiosity because I know that there is something that she is doing that I can learn from and apply to my own life, that will eventually afford me some freedom. Freedom to be who I really am. Sometimes in my search for "me" I feel like a blind woman in a cave using the damp cold walls to feel my way through all the crevices of my feelings, feelings that I never even knew I had. I really am lost at times. And it is scary what I might find in some of those crevices. But, Laura speaks to me about my fears through her poetry, and invariably she is teaching me that expressing my vulnerability, through whatever art form, is the way to my freedom. It is cathartic, therapeutic and may even be the key to my self-growth.
Years ago, I read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, and I was not quite sure how the practice of early morning daily writing would serve me but I am starting to get it now.
Last night, my hubby and I were marveling over how much art I had done in the past year. He said that he remembers how crazy I was back in the beginning of doing this art thing, always writing this article for that e-magazine, or guest blogging, blogging on my own website, or painting and writing. I was so busy that I barely came up for air. I was like this mad woman who was trying to make up for lost time, creatively. I felt like if I put my creativity down for even a moment, I would forget how to be creative. I was using my art and my writing, to get to know myself. I was so afraid that if I stopped, even for a moment, I would slip right back into the abyss of fear, dread, insecurity and chaos, that had always been my life.
So, with a fervor I kept pounding stuff out. Trying to find the myself in it all, make some sense of the "me" in it, and take you along with me at the same time. I am not even sure why I ever wanted to do all of this, but I do know that it felt good to open up and put my fears out there? It felt freeing. Like I did not have to hide behind those fears anymore. And because it was out there, it lost its power it had over me.
So my hubby thinks I was a bit crazy. Well truth is I was and I still am. It may seem like I am quiet right now, but I have merely shifted from one creative project to another. I am dreaming and working over scenarios and details about this little home and how I can make it my haven. In my head I am painting, building things, taking them apart and re-building them and so on.
As a young child, my sister and I would use whatever we could find to decorate our rooms. We changed our rooms around pretty much once a week.I am coming to see that decorating is merely another expression of who I am - I am an artist. And right now, I am having so much fun creating on this huge canvas - our house. But I have been feeling like I was letting myself down. I can't paint right now The place is torn apart because we getting it ready for flooring. And I feel like I am abandoning my creativity by doing this make-over on our house. Why is that? Well you know what? It is crap. I realized this morning that I have merely shifted gears. I have been creating all day and every day for the last three weeks. And I am loving the home base I am creating. And it will enable me to do my writing and painting more comfortably later. It does not matter what I am doing to be creative, as long as I am exercising my creative muscle every day! And I am!
Werner Herzog, works every day and he says he never needs a vacation from his life, because his work fulfills him. What a profound concept! How many people want to get away from their work ,to refuel, so they can go at a job that they never did like, once again? They dream of that time of day, when their work day is finally over, so they can steal a few moments to do what they love! I know, the important thing for me to remember is that as long as I use creativity in one way or another for work, I simply can't lose. I will always be fulfilled.But I like variety too!
I have been busy for the past year, and I feel like I have accomplished a lot of personal milestones for myself in that time.I LOVE what I am doing. I love being creative!!! And I am coming to accept that I have more than one way to express my love, and it is just fine for me to choose which ever way suits me in the moment. It is my life and my choice, and I am giving myself permission to do it whatever way makes my soul sing. So when I ask myself what I will grow in my garden, I know without any doubt it will be creativity, because I know, that by planting those diverse and colorful seeds, I will always be truly fulfilled and content!
Have a glorious and creative day!